Cut It Off or Drown

What two prisoners can teach you about change.

Tower Bridge, London. Photo Credit: Colin Black

Most people know what to change. They just don’t want to do it.

Because letting go hurts.

That’s true in life. It’s true at work too.

I’ve been thinking about this story for a long time.

In 1974, a 22-year-old man from outside London was arrested for armed robbery.

This wasn’t his first infraction, and it wouldn’t be his last.

Joined a gang at 13.
Shoplifting.
Assault.
Grand theft auto.
Property damage.

Early consequences were light: fines and probation.

When he was finally convicted for armed robbery, he was initially sentenced to 7 years in prison.

7 years didn’t stay 7.

During his jail time, he assaulted guards and other prisoners, tried committing suicide, was heavily medicated, and cycled through 120 prisons and psychiatric hospitals.

He’s often referred to as the United Kingdom’s most violent prisoner.

He went by a variety of names, but he’s known for one:

Charles Bronson.

Not the actor.

But this story does actually relate to another actor.

In October 2008, a film about Bronson’s life was released starring an up-and-coming 31-year-old actor named Tom Hardy.

(In case you want to watch this, you should know it’s a great movie, but Bronson was famous for fighting naked and greased up to avoid being caught by prison guards… and the movie’s quite accurate).

While Tom was preparing for the role, he spent hours on the phone talking to Bronson to understand his mindset.

On one of these occasions, Bronson asked Hardy why he seemed depressed, and Hardy explained that he’d recently broken up with his girlfriend.

Bronson then proceeded to remind Hardy about a recent news story.

Earlier that year, a teenage boy near Oxford had died in a flash flood after getting his foot caught in a storm drain. According to Bronson’s telling, no one wanted to cut the boy’s foot off, so he drowned.

Bronson said, “I wouldn’t have drowned. I would have told them to cut it off now!”

His point:

Don’t let it drag you under.

When you look up the details, Bronson’s retelling isn’t quite accurate. The boy drowned because the water rose too fast, not because he or his rescuers refused an amputation.

But whether or not the story was true, the point still holds.

If something is drowning you, cut it off.

We’ll get back to that. But first: the second prisoner.

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Our second prisoner was not as notorious, but certainly more famous.
In part, because unlike Bronson with his violent and angry life, this man was innocent.

He was born in a small town in the Middle East. His adoptive father was a working-class man.

This man worked for his father until he was 30, then began a 3-year career doing street ministry.

He challenged the religious norms of his day, and some people even thought that he was going to usher in a rebellion against the government.

Eventually, his habit of getting under the skin of local religious leaders caught up to him. They plotted against him and brought charges of religious dissent. By the time he was brought before the authorities, he was framed as a political threat.

In the end, he was convicted and brutally executed.

That man, you might recognize, was Jesus of Nazareth.

Regardless of what you think about Jesus, he had a way of saying things that stick:

“The first shall be last.”

“Every seed dies before it grows.”

And…

“If your hand or foot causes you to sin, cut it off.”

Sound familiar?

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As someone who grew up in the church, I’ve heard these quotes before.

I knew what they meant. But I didn’t feel them in my bones yet.

You need to humble yourself.

You need to give up your old life to gain a new life.

You need to cut bad habits and flaws out of your life.

But it wasn’t until I came across that conversation between Tom Hardy and Charles Bronson that they really hit home.

The problem with changing your life is…

It’s just not fun.

I once heard Richie Stephens, an Irish actor and former gangster, talk about his experience as a drug addict. He said that he would never tell his kids that doing drugs felt awful.

He’d tell them it was fun. But then he’d tell them that drugs also destroyed his life.

Denying the fun keeps the allure.

It’s better to tell the truth.

Something can feel good and still drown you.

When it comes to my own life, I know why I’ve held onto a lot of my flaws.

Because I like them.

I hate them.

I just still like them enough to keep them around.

I like that they bring me comfort when I’m lonely.
I like that they make me feel right when I know I’m wrong.
I like that they give me a sense of control when the world feels like chaos.
I like that they keep me stuck in the past so I can avoid my fear of failing in the future.

I don’t want to drown, but I like being able to walk too. Don’t cut off my legs, man.

It doesn’t work.

Getting over yourself hurts.

But it’s still better than drowning.

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So, what happened to old Charlie Bronson?

Sadly, he’s still in jail.

In the last 50 years, he has only been out of prison 121 days. He failed his 9th parole hearing and no release date has been set.

My grandma had a sign in her kitchen, “Take my advice. I’m not using it.”

Maybe Charlie had that in his jail cell too.

See, it wasn’t that Bronson wasn’t smart. He’s written over 10 books while in prison.

It’s not that he wasn’t disciplined.

Bronson was famous for doing 2,000 push-ups a day. Supposedly, he’s been able to do 1,700 in an hour. He’s even written a book called Solitary Fitness detailing how to get strong with just bodyweight exercises.

You might say… well, maybe Bronson had a bad upbringing or mental health issues!

We don’t know for certain, but we know he had a fairly loving, normal middle class life as a child.

Doctors and psychiatrists never landed on a clear diagnosis.

Bronson himself said he found it impossible to understand or relate to other patients in any mental health asylums. He thought they were crazy.

The truth is, despite all his violence and rage, Bronson was a fairly rational guy.

He could be pleasant, kind, charming, and hold a decent conversation.

Just ask Tom Hardy.

In the end, we don’t know.
What his family life was really like.
What was going on in his head.

But what we do know is…

Charlie never got rid of the thing destroying him.

He never cut off his foot, and he’s still drowning. Just slowly, over 50 years.

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“If your hand offends you, cut it off.”

Regardless of what you believe about Jesus, the point still rings true.

If you want a better life, part of your old one has to die.

If something is dragging you under, stop protecting it.

I’m writing this trying not to cry in a Barnes & Noble.

I don’t have a problem with drugs or alcohol. I’m not a violent prisoner.

But I do have issues, and I know that where I am in life right now is the direct result of all the things I’ve done, good and bad.

Sometimes, I look back and realize how much time I’ve wasted.

On the outside, my life has gone pretty well.

On the inside, I still know exactly where I get in my own way.

“I’m not in a cell, but all my problems solitary.”
— Machine Gun Kelly

That line feels a little too familiar.

So, where to start?

If your foot is stuck and the water is rising,

you don’t negotiate.

You cut it off.

Easter is coming up. Believe what you want.

It’s still a good day for resurrection.

You already know what’s drowning you.

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Want to read more like this?

Here’s one of my favorites:

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